As a little girl, the word “marriage” represented something magical…happily ever after, a true love story. This marriage relationship was never represented as “complicated” or referred to as “work”.
We all know the reality of marriage is much different than a little girl’s imagination…but we should never give up on the dream of a relationship that is happy, fulfilling or even magical.
To the little girl, happily ever after is just something that IS (a state of being completed). In reality, happily ever after is what BECOMES (after a process). It is during the process that we either grow together as a couple or grow a part. Unfortunately, for half of marriages, couples grow apart and never make it to happily ever after…which is probably why you’re even reading my blog.
In blended family marriages, both partners are committed to making the new relationship work. We’ve come out of the ashes of the previous relationship alive….but scarred. We approach relationships differently and encounter unique circumstances in building new relationships. We must understand in our new marriages, we not only get hit with all of the challenges first marriages face, but we add additional challenges such as ex-spouses, parenting step children, busier schedules for visitations, fear of failure, to name a few…it’s not easy.
Know you will be facing these challenges and be prepared….be proactive. Commit yourselves to the process of building a lasting marriage. There are some things my husband and I have found helpful for us. We are still in this “process” of building happily ever after and still face many challenges. We only hope to encourage you as you travel this same journey.
- Put God first. Focus on building a Godly home, invite Him into the process and pray for your family every day. Get in His Word to find scriptures you can stand on for your family.
- Commit to Stay – No Matter What. Don’t live with one foot out the door or make your spouse feel like leaving is an option. Security is crucial to blended family marriages.
- Get Outside Help. Whether you like it or not, there is a reason first marriages fail and you can never come out unscathed. Go to a Godly counsel (outside the family) to help you learn healthy marriage builders and work to overcome the effects of past hurts. If it costs…it is a necessary investment.
- Build a Support System. Family and friends are a good place to start to build a network of people who will lift up your new family, encourage you and support you. If you do not have friends, make new friends by attending parenting or religious groups focusing on blended family situations. Open yourself up to help and be willing to provide help and encouragement in return. Get rid of people in your life that are toxic.
- Take Time for Each Other. Make an effort to do what you can to spend time together and to encourage each other. At the end of this situation, there is only you and your spouse…make them a priority. We rearranged our visitation schedules with the kids so we would have some time alone. If necessary, get a sitter for a date night. Whatever it takes, make it happen.
Blended family marriages can be magical…with God’s help and an investment into the process, we can avoid becoming a statistic…one that says we are set up to fail. The devil wants us to fail, he wants our families to be forever shaken, insecure and fearful. God says we are a new creation and the old life is gone. I'm choosing to stand on His promises for my marriage.
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"
2 Corinthians 5:17
"Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil."
Ephesians 6:11
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