To Stepmothers: Whatever Your Role, It Is Enough

Having a biological child does not come with an instruction manual of the "right" way to raise a baby, neither does being a stepmother come with one. It is so easy to be hard on ourselves, much like a new mother would be. Unfortunately, biological mothers are given much more mercy than a stepmother. Stepmothers are often under an intense microscope, being accused of wrongdoing, being stalked or harassed in the name of "family". Although there are some stepmom-biomom relationships that are in a good place, most are not.  

If you're like me, you've probably thought one of the following:

I don't do all the things other stepmoms do for their stepchildren, I must be doing something wrong?

How can I be positive when someone relentlessly points out my flaws?

I am really, really trying but I can't seem to do anything right.

Everything I say and do gets misinterpreted.

With all of the uncertainty in stepfamily life, our security is often shaken. As stepmoms, we take a hit to our self-esteem regularly but it doesn't mean we have to be a victim of our circumstances. We don't need to be validated by others. We are heroes whether others see it that way or not. No matter what anyone says, being a stepmom is important. As long as we are fostering healthy relationships and not igniting the drama, you can be secure in your place.

"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18

Whatever role or capacity we play, we are more than enough. If there is any deficiency, we can trust God will make up the difference.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

If you are a stepmom who...

...sees your stepkids every other weekend, you are enough.

...has full custody of your stepkids, you are enough.

...has been in your stepfamily one month, you are enough.

...has been in your stepfamily for 10 years, you are enough.

...only provides transportation for stepchildren, you are enough.

...sees your stepchildren once per year, you are enough.

...has grown stepchildren, you are enough.

...has a rocky relationship with your stepchildren, you are enough.

...is on the verge of a nervous breakdown, you are enough.

...tries to balance biochildren and stepchildren, you are enough.

...feel tired of the drama, you are enough.

If I can encourage you in anything, understand there is no "right" way to be a stepmom.Your role in your family, whatever that may be, is important. You can choose peace despite dysfunction. You are Enough.