The "F" Word - Forgiveness!

In many blended families, custody battles and unresolved hurts lead to bitterness and unforgiveness of your ex spouse, a step-parent or others you felt wronged you and your children. Sometimes, the legal system and society reinforce the notion you were wronged and we use it as justification to remain offended.

Unfortunately, we all know unforgiveness hurts us more than the person we harbor bitterness against. Have you heard that bitterness/unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It’s true.

The true consequence of unforgiveness is the stolen joy and peace from our own life. The longer we hold on to the offense, the more we torture our family and ourselves.

We are facing a crossroad in our situation. We are fed up with our peace and joy being affected by the ex or the ex’s new partner. An attack from the ex over something small can ruin our joy for days. Our peace dissipates as we ponder what actions need to be taken as well as rehashing past situations where the ex was “in the wrong”.

I’m learning that I don’t need to forgive the other person because they deserve it, but because I deserve it…the peace and joy of not holing on to those offenses. God forgives me when I don’t deserve it and I know I blow it and need that mercy.

It’s easier said than done! Believe me, I think I have tried to forgive a hundred times last month. With ongoing attack, the offense comes back and I find myself knee deep in bitterness once again.

So, I am drawing a line in the sand. I want peace. I want joy. Not sometimes, but always.

Here is what I am doing to help combat the bitterness that keeps knocking on the door of my heart.

1. I choose forgiveness, deserved or not.
2. Remember the offender is just as much a creation of God as I am, my bitterness towards them is bitterness towards God.
3. When an attack comes, give it to God…right away. Not after I have stewed over it a few days.
4. Re-Focus my energy on loving my family. When energy is limited, they are worth more of it than my troubles.
5. Guard my heart, stay in God’s Word.
6. Pray a lot!!!

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25

May the Lord judge between me and you, may the Lord avenge me against you, but my hand shall not be against you. As the proverb of the ancients says, ‘Out of the wicked comes wickedness.’ But my hand shall not be against you. 1 Samuel 24:12-13

To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people. Titus 3:2

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15