This post is a difficult one to write. Our primary role as a parent is to protect our children, love our children and teach our children. It is one thing to protect and teach our children about situations we can anticipate will hurt them. We protect them by teaching about stranger danger, street safety and household hazards.
In a blended family, this protection is often fragmented and we are left to implicitly trust the other parent to protect, love and teach our children when we are absent. We have to trust they love our children just as much as we do.
Despite everyone’s best intentions, sometimes our children will face some very difficult circumstances. And when these occur at the other parent’s home, it is so hard to know how, and when, to step in and pick up the emotional pieces. Depending on the circumstances, we cannot always say “Your home, your problem”. Because the child is hurting, it becomes “Their Home (regardless of which one), Our Problem”.
Heartbreak is hard on anyone, especially a child. I’m not talking about the sadness that comes from a child losing their favorite toy or their best friend saying something mean to them. I’m talking about the deep heartbreak from a change in circumstances that leaves a child’s sense of security shaken.
Recently, our children have been facing some big challenges at the other parent’s home…a parent moving away, the death of a loved one and mistreatment by a family member. They have lots of questions and are confused by their emotions. As a parent, I begin to feel helpless to protect them. As their heart breaks, so does mine.
This weekend, I attended a service at my church and part of the message had such profound meaning for my husband and I. It gave us perspective and hope for our situation. Instead of focusing on how I need to help my children the ways I know how, I should be asking God to help me, help them.
So this week, we are choosing the following:
- Ask God to help us, help them. God loves our children more than we do. He knows what THEY need during this time. We will trust Him to show us what we need to do.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
- Pray, Pray, Pray. Pray for the situation. Pray for the other parent’s household and family. Pray with the children. Remind them God is there to listen and to help. He cares about them.
“The Lord hears his people when they call to Him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalms 34:17-18
- Be patient and encouraging. We will try to cut some slack where we can, give more grace and encourage them things will get better.
“…weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” Psalm 30:5
- We will speak life into the situation. Surround them with positive words and situations. We will promote hope and restoration and keep the lines of communication open.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29
- Call in reinforcements. We are not the only people who love and care for our children. Let family and friends know of the situation and how they can help and pray for us. We understand our children may be hurting and need to feel they are not alone.
“I also tell you this: if two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in Heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” Matthew 18:19-20
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