There has been no question we are right in our reasons for this journey and we have done everything we were supposed to. We've jumped through every hoop and shelled out thousands of dollars to attorneys, courts, counselors and parenting coordinators all in an effort to "fix" the issues with joint custody that are negatively impacting the kids. Regardless of all the evidence we've collected and documented, all the harm that is done, one thing is consistent...the legal system just isn't readily supportive of less obvious cases of family issues. The offending parent is rarely held accountable. What are we to do?
The last 3 years have not brought anything to our blended family of value other than "documentation" of the abuses of one parent against the other. But that and a a dollar will buy you coffee...maybe.
So, back to the new year. This situation is a big source of stress and under our yearly evaluation we discuss, "Is it worth it to continue?". Making a list of all the pros and cons of continuing this court battle leaves us with a blaring answer, "Stop". Sounds simple. Seems like the right thing. If there is no value and the children will be grown in a few years, why not spend what time we have left with them as children, the best we can. We could use our financial resources to make memories for them that are positive, not memories of a pissed-off bio mom and a stressed out dad.
But like any investment of time, emotional and financial resources, we want to see a return. We hold on to the notion of "The good always win", "Right comes out on top", "Can we afford the emotional consequences of the kids staying in the situation", "Can we put up with continued unmonitored attacks against our family when the court isn't mediating". Stopping the whole process at this point feels like we are abandoning the kids and what we know is right for them. How can we stop? Is fighting for what is right actually worse than simply trying to minimize the frustration a different way? Regardless of how many Pros there are to stopping the court process, the feeling of abandonment is overwhelming.
We often feel like a hopeless gambler, hoping the next bet is "the big payoff". The next court date will yield results. Someone will finally hold the offending party accountable. Justice will be served. After each year, we feel more and more foolish for believing in a system to set things right. Are we addicted to the process like a gambler, being ruled by feelings instead of logic?
As we step into this evaluation stage of this court situation, we are changing. Our focus is changing. Our hearts are changing. Even at this point we are not completely clear on our next steps, but we know a few things to be true:
1. God is in control.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
2. Our hope will no longer be in the system to set things right. God will work all things out for good.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
3. God restores. It may not be the ways we would think, but it will be better.
"And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before." Job 42:10
4. Our battle isn't with the Ex, it's against the spiritual attacks against our family.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12
5. We have already OVERCOME through Christ...regardless of what we see or feel.
"For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world - our faith." 1 John 5:4
