Life Under a Microscope - Paparazzi and Tabloids

    Living in a blended family can feel like you are a celebrity being stalked by the paparazzi and being showcased in the tabloids. Everything you do as a parent is being monitored and misinterpreted everyday. There is this notion that just because you are a divorced parent, you no longer have your child’s best interest at heart. Every action you take is considered harmful, unnecessary or inappropriate by the other parent and their family. Even nuclear families miss the mark from time to time, but in blended families, a mistake can be very costly and cause a whole lot more issues than ever necessary.

• You child falls off the trampoline – you are accused of neglect
• You take your child’s phone away for being disrespectful – you are accused of emotional abuse and disrespect of their feelings
• You encourage future planning for college – you are accused of implying the other parent is a drain on society
• Your child gets upset with you over something trivial – You are told your child never wants to see you again
• Insert your situation here….

    Sometimes, these accusations from the other parent are more subtle and other times they are relentless. There are also brief periods of calm and quiet from the other side and other time it seems the assaults won’t stop. I am continually dumbfounded by the accusations that are made by my ex and my husband’s ex. Some accusations are so absurd and I wonder what the hidden agendas are. There HAS to be a reason for someone to want to stir up so much drama and live at odds with someone for a long period of time. Paparazzi and tabloids are motivated by money. Misrepresenting a story is all about turning a profit without regard for the families they portray. So what is the motivation for blended families to continue to accuse and misrepresent situations; control, image, and getting a hand up in court at the expense of the kids???

   We have all participated in the game. Even I have intentionally provided information to the other parent in a way I knew they would get wound up, just to mess with them…did I just admit that out loud?? Let’s be real.

   The only reason the paparazzi and the tabloids continue to exist is because there are people on the other side that buy into the story and support their actions monetarily. When we, as a blended family, stop buying into the drama that comes with the territory, things can go a lot smoother. Will the other side stop watching your every move and reporting your errors on social media sites? Likely not. Will the other side see that you only have the best intentions for your kids? Not a chance. Will the other side stop manipulating situations to their benefit or to get that piece of information over you? Probably not.

BUT

   We can CHOOSE to live a life of integrity regardless of what the other parent feels or says about you. Just because it is printed in the tabloids doesn't mean it is true. It doesn't mean you have to offer a rebuttal for every accusation. Most importantly, you don’t have to let the other parent make you feel inferior or question the value of the role you have in your children’s lives.

   

Focus on the good, focus on your family and put your trust in God. We don’t have to always look over our shoulder anticipating the next attack. I strongly believe satan uses our specific situation to break us down, to destroy the single biggest threat to his existence…a strong Godly family. We are stronger together and he knows it.

   Just because our first, or second, marriages fail…doesn't mean God doesn't have a good plan for our lives. Focus on moving forward, not on the attacks from the other parent. God says we don’t have to live on the defense, we live on the offense…knowing he will fight our battles for us and we have the victory!!!!

“Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. For we [fn] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Therefore, put on every piece of God's armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.”

Ephesians 6:11-13

“The LORD says, "I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them.” Psalms 91: 14-15

Thankful for Successful Vacations

   Well, it's been a few weeks since I've blogged. We have successfully completed another family vacation. And by successfully, I mean we came home home with all of our children...unharmed...physically. It is always nice to get away from "Normal", turn your world upside down and try hard to make the best memories you can.

Our vacation went something like this:

12	people on a road trip
60	hours in a car
12	days of vacation in NC
3	hotel stays
2	days at Washington DC
2	days at a beach
15	people staying in one house
1	sleepless baby
37	questions of "Are we there?"
281	"I'm hungry"
25	miles of sightseeing
26	energy drinks
13	"If you don’t behave, I'm gonna…"
0	Lost children

  There were times we were sooo exhausted, physically and mentally. We wondered if the kids truly appreciated the sacrifices we made to give them the experience. We wondered if it was all worth it...

The answer is a thousand times, YES!

   We got to see the look on our kids' faces when they got to play in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time, their excitement at trying to find that next seashell. They visited our nation's capitol and were awed by the creatures displayed in the museum and the size of the Washington and Lincoln monuments. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, parents and kids all got to experience these sights, each for the first time, together. There will never be another first time for them and we got to give that to them. The memories, the laughs, the frustrations...all of it.

   After coordinating schedules with the exes, daily calls to check in, and communicating locations added to all of the other work to make this happen, the trip was worth it. One family, experiencing the "firsts" of life, together.

For those 12 days, we were 1 unit. Not yours, not mine, not ours...but "all of us". At home, we only see glimpses of "all of us". Vacation gave us time away from the blended chaos, away from the back and forth between parents. And for 12 days, there was some peace...not peace as in quiet or lack of frustration, but a peace only a blended family would understand. For those 12 days, the focus was away from the drama, frustration and confusion that is the unfortunate staple of a blended family. Family became the focus.

  So, if you are considering a vacation, wondering if you can coordinate schedules or if it would even be worth the hassle....the answer is YES. It won't be perfect, but you won't regret it.