You Don't Look Like You Have That Many Kids

When I tell people I have 7 children, I immediately get the response, "You don't look like you could have 7 children!!". I always find myself with the urge to explain. The conversation that follows divulges more information than I care to share in most cases. In a matter of a few sentences, a practical stranger knows my husband and I have both divorced, we are a blended family and that I am a stepmom.

I find humor in these interactions. I don't know if I should be flattered I don't look like I should have 7 children. What does that even mean? What is a mother of 7 children supposed to look like anyway? Biologically speaking, I could have birthed all 7 kids in the course of my life. Meaning, I am old enough and the age distribution of our kids would be feasibly possible had I had 7 kids myself. Am I supposed to have the dark circles under my eyes, the baby on the hip, frazzled hair and permanent frown? I know several moms with kids and they are beautiful, superheroes!

When someone finds out I am also a stepmother, the awe that permeated our conversations before transforms to pity. The conversation takes a more awkward turn. Not awkward for me because I have heard it a thousand times, but more awkward for my unsuspecting conversationalist. "Wow, how do you do it?", "Do they live with you?" or "They look like they could be yours." are the normal responses, followed by a quick exit.

Being a stepmom enlists us into this world of drama. Everyone knows it. Very few want to have anything to do with it. Other mothers may pity us from afar, but in conversations are reluctant to "open a can of worms".

I know I can do better about speaking more positively about life in general. The stepmom role consumes so much of our time and energy, especially in high conflict situations. The result is recurring conversations with our friends, family or random acquaintances about "what the bio mom is up to now", "we went to court again and..."or "you won't believe what she did". 

I'm learning, no one wants to hear that mess! Nothing personal. I even get tired of dealing with it, so why would anyone else volunteer to be "brought up to speed".

So, let's save our anxious conversations for support groups or conversations with our spouse...for everyone else, find something more positive to talk about. We are MORE than a stepmom. We should have a life that doesn't revolve around bio mom drama. We should find reasons to celebrate our life. If put on the spot, we should be able to rattle off a list of great things going on! If not, we need to find more of the good life...the God life!

I, in fact, enjoy not looking like I would have 7 kids. Next time anyone asks, I may just explain I had 4 of my kids and adopted the other 3 and bypass all the stepmom stigma and baby momma drama.